Overcoming Sorrow
by fiction fan15
Summary: I wrote this after the Face the Nation episode...I had it posted once but took it down and decided to wait til it was finished before I posted it again...Thank so much to my Beta Jen you are awesome...thank you so much for being patient with me and helping me with my grammar, making sure my story flowed and made sense...I hope you enjoy the story...please leave reviews...
1. Chapter 1

Overcoming sorrow

As much as she disliked violent video games she was drawn to this one; it distracted her from the pain she was feeling. It was not as much physical pain as it was emotional pain. She felt vulnerable like her whole world was off balance and she didn't like it. She wasn't sleeping - every time she closed her eyes she went back to that horrible night. She felt like her world was closing in on her. Her big office felt like she was in a cracker box — like she couldn't move without running into a member of her staff. Her concentration was horrible she had to read the same report four times before she even knew what it said. During prep for Face the Nation she tried so hard to be her normal self even smiling just a little bit when Matt used his Bob Schaffer voice when he started asking questions. The first two questions weren't so bad but then came the one she didn't want to answer — even for herself, but she knew the entire country wanted to know.

"Madam Secretary you were present when Zahed Javani's was killed. Can you tell me about that day?" Matt asked, a little nervous about what her reaction was going to be.

That question! Why did they need to be so nosey and know what happened? She just wanted to forget that one horrible day and never have to relive that moment ever again.

Suddenly she wasn't in a stale, stuffy office, but she was in Javani's living room again — and she could see Abdol's face smiling up at his father asking for his help with a math problem. She wasn't sure at what point she started to go back there but she couldn't make it stop. She could hear the explosion, as it pushed her forward onto the ground. She didn't have time to react. The next thing she knew, she was flat on the ground with Fred on top of her. There was a burning pain in her back as she was hit by a piece of glass from the shattered window and her whole body ached from Fred landing on top of her small frame. She was scared to look at him but she knew he was gone because the weight of his body was so much heavier then before. She wanted to look — to know for sure, but she was shaking with terror at the reality of the situation. If he were dead, she was alone in Iran — left with strangers in the middle of a coup. She finally got the courage to look and her fears were confirmed. Fred's once bright, and playful eyes were still open and blood caked his suit jacket. There was no movement from his body. Then there was Abdol screaming from behind that chair to his father and her telling him to stay down and praying for it to all be over. She wasn't like Henry. (Or maybe — she didn't have Henry's confident faith). She believed in God but was not as faithful about attending church as she should be. Still she prayed as though she were still a small girl kneeling faithfully at Saturday Mass. She didn't know how long she had sat there her breathing labored and heart pounding outside her chest she hoped no one else could hear it.

It was Nadine that brought her out of her trance with a gentle, "Ma'am?"

"Can you give me that again.?" She asked trying to keep her voice steady

She was so grateful when Nadine stepped in and gave her the break she so desperately needed.

What she wanted was to go running from that room but she knew she had to keep herself together until she could get the sanctuary of her private office. It would not be good for the Secretary of State to have a meltdown. She trusted her staff to keep inner office happenings inside the office, but if someone outside her staff had seen it. She shuddered to think the trouble it would bring not only to her, but to the President.

She was always so confident not just in her job, but also as a mother, and wife and now she was shaken to the core of her being. Her staff walked on egg shells since her return, not knowing what kind of mood she was going to be in or if she was going to blow up for no reason. They just wanted to help her, but when Daisy and Matt ambushed her at the door with this hero crap she couldn't hold it in. She was not a hero! Fred Cole and the other members of her detail who gave their lives to keep her safe were. Her words were more harsh then she meant them to be. She understood she needed to make sure she apologized to Daisy and Matt. After all they were just doing their job. As hard as she tried to hide her pain and anger, her family seemed to get the blunt of it, snapping at Jason about his detail. She just wanted to protect her son. She had not been able to do so for Abdol and for that she wasn't sure if she would ever forgive herself. But she had the power to protect Jason, and she would at all cost.

In the 25 years they had been married she doesn't ever remember fighting with, or yelling at Henry as much as she has done in the last four days. The first one happened just days after she returned still jetlagged and hurting both physically and emotionally. The meeting had gone so well with the principal of Monroe Jr. High but her son going to a public school scared her. She had no control over what happened, even through the principal went over the safety precautions with them again after seeing what happened in Iran she knew in a split second things could change. If she could just get Henry to understand that.

"You want to tell me what is going," Henry was trying to keep his voice down there were classes going on and he didn't want to disrupt them.

"Just what I said I think Jason needs more protections," Her frustration level was high did he not understand that she was going to protect her child their child at all cost.

"The protection protocol office doesn't he need's it will be fine." He was trying to find a way to calm her, she had a short trigger and he didn't want a fight where everyone could hear them.

"I'm fourth in line for the Presidency, our kids don't get to be normal." She was about to lose her cool with him. "I have to go back to work I will see you tonight," turning her back to him she walked off her detail not far behind her.

It bothered him, when they fought normally they would go into separate rooms and cool off and then talk it out. They were good at working thru what ever was going on with them rather it be work, kids or just life in general. But this was different she was different and he couldn't help her and it broke his heart. What really got him is that she didn't give him a kiss, that was something they agreed on early in their marriage never leave the other mad life was to short.

It wasn't just Henry that got the blunt of her misguided anger, Jason took his share also, she wanted so badly to protect her children. They were growing up way to fast and she would only have so long to protect them.

"Jason I'm only doing this for your safety," Elizabeth was trying so hard to hold her tongue and not scream at her youngest child.

"Then I will just stay at home because it's not right that you just sprung this on me you, this was my chance to be a normal kid at a normal school." he spaded back at her _his debate skills were getting better_ she thought to her self.

He had a point —that was what they agreed on when he left private school for public but all that changed with her trip to Iran. She couldn't come clean with him. He was too young and innocent to know the ugly truth of what happened over there.

"This is not fair, you promised." He was holding his ground and not backing down.

"Jason I know we did but things have changed and I just want to keep you safe," She wasn't sure who she who she was trying to convince him or herself.

"Kevin would you excuse you for a few moment's please," it was the only thing Henry could think of to do to keep the situation from getting ugly he wanted to see if he could talk his wife down off the ledge she had climbed onto.

"Yes, I will be right outside," The tall guy would happily leave the room not wanting to be in the middle of a fight between the Secretary of State and her husband.

"Jason get your stuff, its time for you to go to school," Henry tried to keep his voice even and not startle his fragile angry wife.

"Dad," Jason whined as he grabbed his backpack and left the room

"I Love you," Elizabeth called out to her only son as he left the kitchen for the front door.

"Yeah right," Jason knew his mom and knew she was being unfair and treating him like a baby. But he was growing up now and didn't need his mom protecting him and embarrassing him at his new school. He just wanted to be a normal kid. Alison didn't need protection why did he.

Henry knew this was going to get ugly but it needed to be said he had to find a way to fix the situation and make everyone happy in the end. But sometimes that was easier said then done when it came to his hard-headed wife. He understood she saw things no one could fathom seeing but her over protective nature drove them all crazy at times.

"You know he's right, babe, this isn't fair." He had hoped this wasn't going to get ugly but he knew her all to well and when she wanted something she would not let it go.

"Well since when is life fair," What was unfair she thought to herself was that Fred Cole and two other agents died as did her friend and she got to live.

"Well in this house its suppose to be." He knew when the word came out of his mouth that is was going to get ugly fast. That she would go on the defensive and he would have to try to get her to talk to him.

He could see her getting more and more upset as the moments stood still. He had to figure out a way to diffuse her quickly but all he could do was let her say her peace and hope she felt better when she was done.

" I knew you would make me the bad guy, I just knew it." She could feel her blood pressure rise and the anger build why couldn't he just let her have this one thing.

"Look babe, I know you have been thru a lot and you don't want to talk about it but at some point you are going to have to."

"Don't psychoanalyze me, Henry" Her temper was starting show.

"But babe, he doesn't need protection. Don't let your issue's get in Jason's way. We made him a promise and we need to keep that promise." He so hoped that he could reason with her but he could see that she was hell bent on this issue.

"What do you think my issues are?" She was glad the kids were not home to hear this argument it was one of the worst in their 25 years of marriage.

"Are you ready to talk? Her silence gave him his answer. "Lets talk about what happened in Iran." He was hoping she would open up to him and stop holding it inside. He worried that she was going to blow up at the wrong person someone like the president, or the kids and would cause damage she couldn't fix. He knew that if she would blow up at the president she would beat herself up over it. But the kids if she would have yelled and screamed at them like she is to him she would never forgive herself. They were her world and she strived to be the best mother she could be.

"Fine, you know what you win! I have to go, I don't have time for this!" All she wanted to do was get out of the house and into the car. Without another word to him she grabbed her brief case and her purse and left leaving him standing in the kitchen dumbfounded.

The defeat on her face was more than he could handle. It was all he could do to keep from grabbing her and holding her tight in his arms. He just wanted to take her up to their bedroom and help her forget what had happened. He couldn't make her talk to him but he could make her forget.

Carl, the new agent, held the door open for her as she got into the black SUV that was waiting for her. All she could do was nod to him a thanks and get in. Once in the safety of her SVU she tried to hold it in but it was no use, looking out the window as they made their way downtown to the State Department the tears began to fall. Nadine was so right when she had said that "Sometimes you need a good cry." Her heart felt heavy she had picked a fight with Henry. She knew he was right, but she also knew she couldn't make it if something happen to one of their children. They were her world.

Henry stood in the kitchen dumbfounded as she left out slamming the door behind her. Why wouldn't she just talk to him? It broke his heart that she was hurting and there was nothing he could do for her until she talked to him. In the 25 years of marriage they had never been this broken. He had no idea what to do but be there for her. He did get online and look up PTSD symptoms and how to help someone with them. But he knew she would not admit that she had PTSD nor would she get help until she was forced to. Thankfully he had asked Kevin to drive Jason to school so he didn't hear the fight between his parents. He also asked Kevin to stay close but not to close. Luckily Kevin got the message and it would keep peace between him and Elizabeth for the time being.

Her first stop when she got to work was the restroom, she splashed her face with cold water and fixed her tear streaked face. Thankfully only Blake was in the outer office when she made her way into her office.

"Good Morning ma'am," He gave her a small smile.

"Morning Blake," She gave him a simple response.

Putting her coat on her chair and throwing her purse and brief case into another empty chair she picked up a picture of her and Henry. She loved her husband with all her heart, but right now they were just not connected. She so wanted those good times back, the soft touch's, the kisses, the looks she missed them and him. Placing the frame back on the desk. She picked up the other picture on her desk a small smile formed on her face it was of herself, Henry and the kids their last family vacation before she became Secretary of State and life got way to busy. Them laughing while playing in the water at the lake, and sitting by the camp fire later that evening roasting marshmallow's and just talking. While she wasn't really ready to talk about what happened in Iran she know that she had to at some point it would be the only way she would heal. But right now work was just to busy for her to let herself go and let those feelings come out.

"Ma'am" Blake stuck his head into her office, "We started staff ten minutes ago. Care to join us." He was trying to be gentle and not startle her.

"I will be right there Blake sorry," She gently put the picture back down on the desk and grabbed her suit coat and walked toward the conference room.

She was only have listening to the going ons in the meeting Nadine said something about the Italian's embassy wanting to give a dinner in her honor.

"Why are on earth are you not doing Face the Nation?" Russell Jackson barged his way into her staff meeting.

"Russell Jackson's here ma'am," Blake came rushing in behind him trying to announce Jackson's arrival.

"Thanks Blake your a little late on the heads up," She wanted to tell Jackson to try using the phone, but that would be just be wrong in front of her staff. "What are you talking about Russell?"

"Face the Nation you decided not to do it?" She seemed just as confused by what was happening as he was.

"Well since this is news to me so would I," Her eyes scanned the room seeing who was going to speak up on this matter she was trying not to lose her temper about.

It was Nadine who spoke up "I thought it maybe we could some flexibility on the issue ma'am." She used a gentle voice to keep things calm in the room.

"Why?" Russell's voice was harsh

"Hey Russell I will ask the questions here," her voice just as harsh as his.

"I had a rough time during prep yesterday the jet lag got to me, but I will be fine when it's the actual day."

"Good," Now I need a word with you for a moment Russell always knew how to push her buttons.

During her meeting with Russell and Laura, Blake stuck his head telling her that Dr. McCord was on the phone wanting to know about lunch.

"Tell him I have a full day I will see him at home tonight." They both knew she didn't that he had cleared an hour for her to have some down time, she had been on the go since she returned from Iran and he could see she needed it.

Blake was taken back by her answer, she always made it a priority to talk to her husband when he called the office. They talked several times through out the day, he really hoped they were okay. He like Henry McCord, they were the ideal couple, he prayed they could overcome whatever it was that was going on with them.

"Yes ma'am" he quietly left the room.

After her meeting with Russell she grabbed her coat, gloves and scarf and headed to the park, the cool air felt good on her face. She could actually breathe, and think. She walked for a while until she saw their bench. It was the one they sat on talking, catching up on each other days, talking about life, the kids or life in general. She missed those times with Henry. Her ringing phone brought her out of her thoughts.

When Elizabeth walked in the door that night it was after 2:00 am, she was relieved that everyone was already in bed. Hanging up her coat, she pulled off her shoes and dropped them on the hardwood floor. Opening the fridge she grabbed out the leftover's the dinner she missed with her family, grabbing a fork out of the dishwasher she headed into the living room onto the couch. After finishing her dinner she turned on the TV, only thing she could find was the replaying of her trip to Iran and all that had happened. Not wanting to see it one more time she turned on the video game and started playing.

Henry rolled over in the bed he shared with his wife, only thing there was an empty pillow. Glancing at the clock he saw the time was 3:30am, then he heard it, the sound of the downstairs TV and the all to familiar noise of the video game he played with Jason. She had never shown any interest in playing so it worried him that she was playing it especially after all she had been through. Walking quietly down the stairs he was hoping not to wake the kids but more importantly to startle his already delicate wife.

"It's late, I didn't even hear you come in." He sat down next to her watching her play the game.

"Not ready to sleep yet" she tried not to show her frustration with him invading her quiet time.

"By playing a game you have never shown any interest in at 3:30 in the morning?" The question came out harsher than he had planned.

"Yep, something wrong with that?" she was keeping her answers short.

He showed her how to transfer her titan, trying once again to reconnect with her.

"You play this game way more than you cop too," she tried to make a funny and break the ice. "About earlier you know when I was being a bitch sorry."

"It's okay," he was happy they were starting to finally talk even if just a little bit.

"How did Jason do on his first day of school at Monroe Jr. High?" It was starting to feel like their normal conversation.

"He had a good day, everything is fine." He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.

"No it isn't," she said it quietly.

Sitting quietly on the couch she so wished she could tell him how she was feeling. That she was struggling just to get up everyday, that the smile that she plastered on her face everyday was fake. That some days she wished that she was the one who had died that day. That as a way to protect herself from more hurt she just wanted to push him and the kids away and go to the farm and hide. That she was scared every hour of everyday, even when he was there.

He didn't know if he should her push her on her comment or wait until a better time. But when would that be there never seemed to be a right time anymore. He also didn't want to risk waking up the kids. It was late they were both tired so he decided to wait.

"Hey let's go to bed," He just wanted to snuggle with his wife he was tired of fighting with her.

"I'm going to stay up a while longer not tired just yet." It wasn't the truth but she figured he would just let it go truth was she was scared to go to sleep afraid of the nightmares.

"I will just sit here with you then," Grabbing the blanket off the back of the couch getting ready to cover them both up with it. He was content just sitting there watching her play.

"Go to bed Henry, I will be up in a few minutes." She just wanted to be by herself.

Feeling defeated he got up and headed to bed kissing the top of her head as he walked around the couch headed for the stairs.

She finally headed to bed not much longer after he went up. After turning off the kitchen light she drug herself up the stair into their bedroom. Luckily Henry was fast asleep, she brushed her teeth in the dark and made sure the alarm was set for 6:00am. Getting into bed felt so good on her tired body, she laid on her back for a few minutes before turn on her side facing her sleeping husband. She loved this man, with her whole heart but felt like everything that had happened in Iran was tearing them apart. That they had lost their connection, something had changed her. She found it easier to push him away then to let him in to what happened on that fateful night.

Laying next to Henry gave her a lot of time to think .What else did she have to do? Sleeping wasn't going to happen. Without warning an image of her father came to her mind. She hadn't thought of him in since Jason was small. They hadn't spoken to each other in a very long time. They had always been close until she chose to go work for the CIA. He didn't want his only daughter doing a man's work. His reaction had wounded and confused her. She had expected him to be pleased – after all he was a man who always wanted sons but got a daughter instead. Then when she announced she was marrying Henry who was just a professor and not the doctor he had hoped she would marry, their relationship became so strained, that it was easier to stay apart. She had hoped that she he would start coming around after Stevie, Alison, and Jason were born and they would get to know their grandparents but no such luck. Her mother, on the other hand, always sent the kids cards on holiday's and would wait until her father was out and call and check on her and the family. She even told her husband that she was going on a trip with friends but instead went to see Elizabeth, Henry and the kids. But that was only once. She missed her parents, they had always been close to her mother but her dad resented her. He wasn't necessarily mean to her but he was strict, sending her to boarding school at age eight.

"Crying is for babies," that was one of those things he installed in her at an early age.

But it was also one of the things she told Henry they would never do to their family, they would be allowed to be there own person.

She couldn't help herself she started to doze off. She was trying desperately to stay awake to keep the dreams at bay but going on her third day with little to no sleep she was losing the battle.

Henry woke with a start. He didn't know where the screaming was coming from but he knew it was close. It didn't take long for him to figure out it was his wife laying right next to him. He could see her struggling with the blankets that were covering her body.

"Lizzy, honey wake up! You're okay. Its just a dream." He kept his voice steady trying to get her to come out of it before she woke the kids or even worse the secret service came barging into their bedroom.

"Babe, its okay. I'm right here. You're safe," holding on to her hand rubbing circle's on her hand with his thumb. It was breaking his heart to see her this way he so wished he could take the pain from her and give her some peace.

"Henry?" Her voice was hoarse from screaming.

But before he could answer the secret service busted into their bedroom guns drawn, startling both of them, sending them sitting straight up in bed.

"We are fine! It was just a bad dream! All is good - nothing to see here." Henry reassured the detail trying to get them out of their bedroom as quickly as possible. He didn't want to scare the kids who he knew would be running in shortly

"Stand down, stand down spook is secure." He spoke into his arm letting everyone downstairs know everything was fine. "Excuse us Madam Secretary, sorry about the intrusion." Carl slowly backed out of the bedroom.

Spook was not a code name she was not particularly thrilled when she learned of it. It was the one that the Secretary Service had picked for her. The director explained that due to her work for the CIA this was the name she was given.

It wasn't long before Stevie, Alison and Jason came rushing into their parents bedroom concerned by all the commotion going on in the house.

"Everyone back to bed everything is fine," He assured the kids getting out of bed and walking them to the door. "Mom just had a bad dream and the detail got a little startled by it but everything is fine." He knew Elizabeth needed a few minutes he could see the embarrassment on her face.

Stevie knew it was more than just a little nightmare, she knew when her parents where not telling them everything. She learned to read them when her mom worked for the CIA, and she got better at it over time. Not wanting to scare her younger sibling's she didn't push the issue.

"Love you mom," the kids called out their mom as they headed back to their own rooms. Confused by what exactly happened, they had never seen their parents so on edge.

Henry closed the door behind him after the kids left, he wanted to give her some privacy so she could pull herself together. Walking back to the bed he quietly sat down and watched her.

Elizabeth rolled over on her side away from her husband staring at the clock for a moment before getting up and heading to the bathroom without saying a word, not a thanks, sorry nothing.

Henry felt so helpless he didn't know how to help her and he didn't want to make a big deal out of what had just occurred. He now understand why she was fighting sleep so hard. Sometimes he would look over at her and find her pretending to be sleeping.

She showered and dressed quickly, while Henry had gone to check on the kids. She didn't want to see anyone just yet not even Henry. She was embarrassed about causing so much drama last night. She quickly headed downstairs, knowing the kids were in their rooms finishing getting ready for school and Henry was getting into the shower.

After filling her travel mug with coffee she grabbed her brief case, and her purse and headed out the door to the waiting SUV without even a good morning or good bye to her family.

After making sure the kids were okay and up getting ready for their day, Henry who normally takes his time getting ready hurriedly showered this morning. He wanted to catch up with his wife before she left for the day. He wanted to make sure she was okay after her nightmare that woke the whole house. She had jumped out of bed and was in the shower before he had a chance to talk to her locking the bathroom door behind her. When he return to the bedroom she had already gone downstairs, he hoped she was still down there getting breakfast when he got down there. Yelling for the kids to get a move on he rushed down the stairs looking for his wife. But instead of finding her standing in the kitchen getting her coffee ready for the day or eating he found the kitchen empty. His heart sank she didn't even say good bye to the kids, this was not his Elizabeth and he missed the old one.


	2. Chapter 2

Getting into the waiting black SUV, she wished she could just run far away all by herself. It was only 7:30 am and her head was already starting to hurt, she knew it was going to be a long day. Opening the door she made her way inside the State Department placing her purse and brief case on the belt at security. She swiped her badge proceeding through the metal detectors nodding at the guard. Opening the door to her outer office she could see Nadine standing there waiting for her. _Oh, this can't be good!_ She thought to herself.

"Good Morning ma'am," Nadine greeted her boss trying to find a way to give her the news that Minister Chen had just dropped by unannounced.

"Morning Nadine," Elizabeth knew something was up by the look on her Chief of Staff's face.

Making their way toward her office, her Chief of Staff filled her in on the fact that Minister Chen had showed up without warning and was requesting a meeting with her. Almost making it her office, Nadine stopped dead in her tracks. She needed to make sure her boss was doing okay after the Iran Coup, take her temperature per say.

"Ma'am are you doing okay? Sleeping okay? You look tired." Nadine didn't try to hide the concern in her voice.

"I'm fine, and yes sleeping like a baby." Elizabeth tried to keep the frustration out of her voice. She did not like being handled. But on the other hand she was touched by Nadine's concern. They had a rocky start when she first became Secretary of State, maybe the tides were turning.

As Nadine and Elizabeth continued toward her office Matt and Daisy rounded the corner IPAD in hand video chatting with Jay. The proud father showing off his brand new baby girl.

Walking up to their boss and Nadine they could contain their excitement as the turned to the IPAD to their view. Elizabeth put her glass getting a better look at the tiny baby and her excited father on the screen.

"Well, hello there, beautiful," She cooed at the hours-old baby.

"Hey boss," Jay smiled back at her.

"Not you silly, the baby," Elizabeth joked with her staffer. "Oh Jay's she's beautiful."

"Wait to you hear her name ma'am" Daisy and Matt they said in unison.

"So what's her name, Jay?" Elizabeth was anxious to hear it.

"Chloe Elizabeth. She is named after two smart, beautiful ladies." Jay said smiling from ear to ear. "Her grandmother and you ma'am."

Elizabeth was taken back by this gesture. It melted her heart that her staffer thought that much of her.

Blake cleared his throat to get his boss's attention. "You have the Minister waiting ma'am, and you know how he hates to be left waiting."

"Bring her in soon Jay. I want to meet my namesake." Elizabeth headed off to what she knew was going to be unpleasant meeting.

Rubbing her temples her headache was not getting any better. She had been listening to the Minister for over 45 minutes and he was like a dog with a bone not giving up. She was not even sure where the train went of the tracks but it did. He was trying to push her around on the Ecuador issue and she wasn't having it. She could feel herself starting to get aggravated at him.

She jumped off the couch and paced the floor, trying to get him to understand the United States' stand on this matter. The discussion was getting heated she even tried to change the subject and asked about his children. Her heart was racing inside her chest, unable to control her breathing felt like someone was suffocating her. Putting her hand on the chair in front of her to steady herself she noticed her hands felt likes pins going through them. But the things that scared her the most was the pain in her chest. First thing that came to her mind was that she was having a heart attack, it scared her. What would the kids and Henry do without her?

"Excuse me Minster Chen," She made her way to her outer office praying Blake would be at his desk.

The slamming of the door startled Blake from the memo he was writing looking up the Secretary was standing there holding on to the wall her face pale and her breathing labored.

"Blake I need you to call 911, I think I'm having a heart attack," It was barely audible. Her knee's felt like they were going to give out on her; luckily the conference room was just feet away and she was able to make it into a chair before she fell.

"911 what is your emergency?" The calm operator asked.

"We need an ambulance to the State Department the Secretary of State is having a heart attack." Blake tried to stay calm but his heart was racing and he just wanted to get off the phone and get to the Secretary.

"Okay, sir is she conscience? Is she breathing?" 911 operators are trained to all a bunch of questions, but they were annoying him.

"Yes, to all now just get here! We're in the conference room." Blake hung up the phone without even a good bye.

Blake wasn't sure where Nadine was but he knew he needed her. Picking up his phone he sent a quick text and headed into check on his boss.

"Secretary in medical distress come quickly conference room," His fingers moving quickly on the keyboard of his phone.

Walking into the conference room, he closed all the doors. He wanted to give her privacy. He didn't want the rest of the staff to see her like this, scared, and hurting. They would know soon enough when the ambulance, paramedics and secret service came crashing into the room.

"Ma'am can I get you anything? Water?" Blake's hands shook and heart pounded as he walked over to where his boss was sitting. He paced the floor back and fourth opening the door and closing it. He couldn't stand still. He never was good with emergency but this one was different.

"Blake would you sit down," Elizabeth said with labored breath. "Otherwise they will be taking you too."

"Ma'am are you sure you don't want any water?" Blake asked again.

"Your going to be fine ma'am just hang on." He sent up a silent prayer.

Nadine looked down at her cell phone the buzzing was driving her crazy it had been going off all day. She read the message twice before jumping out of her chair scrambling for the conference room. Upon arrival she not only saw the fear in her boss's eyes but also on Blake's. _Poor kid_ , she thought to herself

"Ma'am?" She could see her boss struggling to breath. "Just hold on paramedics are in route." Just as she finished her sentence the paramedics and ambulance personnel come rushing in with the her detail hot on their trail

"Relax ma'am were going to take great care of you," The paramedic reassured her.

As quickly as they came in they gathered her vital signs, got her started on oxygen and loaded her up and out they went. Her detail clearing the way for them, hell bent on not letting anything happen to her.

Blake grabbed his coat he was hell bent on going with her, but she told him he was needed at the office. He knew the truth she didn't want him to see her like this.

As Nadine watched them take her boss off on a stretcher, her heart was broke. It was difficult seeing such a strong lady being taken out of the office like this. She picked up her phone and started dialing an all too familiar number. One that she had been dialing a lot lately. It was never good news she was giving the person on the other end of the phone either.

Henry had just walked in the door after his last class of the day. He was happy to finally be home. The end of the semester was coming quickly and his students were scrambling to get their class work finished. Opening the refrigerator door he tried to decide what sounded good for lunch. He was just about to take out the container of leftovers when his cell phone started ringing. Looking down at the caller id, _This can't be good_. He thought to himself.

"Henry, the Secretary is being rushed to George Washington University Hospital. They think she is having a heart attack." Her words were soft. She was trying not to let him hear the fear in her voice. She had seen the look of terror on her boss' face as they wheeled her into the waiting ambulance.

Grabbing his keys, he hurried out the door his heart was racing and hands shaking. He hoped that traffic would not be an issue for his drive across town. He knew she was going to the best hospital in DC but the thought of losing her was more than he could fathom. He drove quickly not really caring about the laws he may be breaking. All he just cared about getting to his wife and making sure she was okay.

This was his fault, he should have made her talk to him about what had happened in Iran. He could see what it was doing to her. He should have insisted that she take better care of her self — making sure she was sleeping and kept her stress level down.

"Oh Lizzy just hold on babe. You can't leave me now ."

His thoughts turned to their children. What would life be like for them without their mother around? He and Elizabeth had joked before she left for Iran about him remarrying and how he couldn't marry anyone under 40, who she disapproved of him marrying and worrying that once the new Mrs. McCord took her place, the kids would like their new mom better. He couldn't lose her, not yet! They had another 25 years to share together. Pulling into the parking garage at GW he found the first available parking spot. Luckily was even close to the door of the ER. Picking up the pace, he rushed in the ER door. He was grateful to see Carl and that meant she wasn't to far away.

"Where is she? Is she alive?" Henry's words coming rush.

Carl's heart went out to the man, this was the second time his wife's life hung in the balance. Without a word he pointed down the stark white hallway.

"Thanks," Henry rushed off to be with his wife, moving at a fast pace he caught up with his wife on the stretcher. They had already started an IV in her hand, had the EKG lead's on her chest and an oxygen mask covering her nose and mouth. The paramedic's were call out to the doctor her vital sign's and what med's they had already given her in route.

Grabbing onto her hand, he wanted to make sure she knew that despite their issue of late he was there and not going anywhere. He tried to keep his voice calm and reassure her she was going to be fine.

"Babe, I'm right here," His heart broke in a thousand piece's when he saw the fear in her eyes as their eyes met. "Doctor, how is she?"

"We wont know until we run tests," the quick answer of the doctor told him this might be serious.

"Hang on sweetie. You're going to be okay." He tried to reassure her again, she looked so small laying on that gurney.

They wheeled her into a special part of the hospital, one used for VIP's, _at least she would have some privacy he thought._ Just before they got to the door the gurney stopped. "I'm sorry, sir. You can't go any farther, medical personnel only."

Henry held tight on to her hand not wanting to let go - he couldn't let go. The thought of her being in there all alone scared him. What if she needed him? He had almost lost her once and he was hell bent on making sure it didn't happen again. He gave her a small kiss on the forehead and a squeeze of her hand.

"Bring her back to me," Henry whispered as they wheeled her away tears streaming down his face.

After watching her go he took out his phone dialing his oldest daughters number from memory he waited for her to answer.

"Well hello there daddy o," She greeted him cheerfully.

He had hoped she wasn't in class he couldn't remember her scheduled. "Your mom," he stuttered "She's at GW". It took all his energy to get the words out.

"What, what happened? Dad?" The panic in her voice leapt out of the phone.

"They think she had a heart attack. She was at work when it happened." He retold the story of Nadine's call.

"I'm leaving now," she sounded rushed and panicked. "I will be there soon! Love you dad."

"Be careful. Love you too sweetie." He was gratefully she was on her way he needed her. She was growing up so fast, and despite the issue she had with her mom in the past she loved her mother very much.

Jason and Alison were both still in school and he didn't want them to worry unnecessarily until they knew exactly what they were dealing with.

He waited for what seemed like forever. Pacing the floor was the only thing that kept him from climbing the walls. He hoped Stevie would arrive soon. He needed his daughter's strength.

"Dr McCord?" The Dr. stepped into the waiting area he had been pacing.

"Is she okay? What happened?" Bombarding the young doctor with questions.

"Why don't you come with me? You can see your wife now he told the anxious Henry.

Stevie arrived at the hospital shortly after the phone call her dad. Her heart was beating wildly listening to him tell her that her mom had been rushed to the hospital. Arriving at the hospital her dad was no where in site, luckily her mom's secret service detail guided her into the private waiting room.

Walking down the hallway Henry tried to prepare himself for what coming next. Taking a deep breath he followed the Dr. into her room.

"Well the good news is that it wasn't a heart attack." He took in both their express as he delivered the good news.

Surprised at the news from the doctor "What was it then?" Henry asked.

"Although your wife's symptom's presented as a heart attack, it was actually a pain attack. They can often have the same symptom's." The Dr. explained.

The look on her face told him what he had suspected, that was not what she wanted to hear at all.

"Oh great! Is it bad that I wish I had actually had a heart attack. I can see the news now! Secretary of State goes around the bend and yells at the Minister of China." Sarcasm dripping from her tone.

Surprised by her outburst in front of the Dr. Henry grabbed her hand hoping it would calm her down.

"I would suggest you take a few days off Madam Secretary. Give yourself some time to rest. You have been quite busy the last several days, and go easy on the coffee. " Dr. Lawton explained.

"Thank you Dr." Henry shook the man's hand while glancing over at Elizabeth, he could tell she was still shaken by what happened.

Sitting down on the side of her bed he took her it broke his heart but he knew how hard headed she could be. "You need to take it easy," he tried to reassure her.

"This is a one time thing. I'm fine lets just move on." She wasn't sure which one she was trying to convince.

"You have to get help you can't wait if you don't then its going to get worse before it gets better." He needed her to understand that this was serious.

"I can't just take a spa day because I'm sad, you know what that would do to my creditability? I more messed up then I was ready to admit, one minute I'm fine, the next minute I'm angry, then I'm numb. To be honest I'm just not ready to talk to anybody about what happened." She was finally starting let her guard down. "I'm sorry I have been yelling at you so much lately, were alright - right.

Rubbing her arm "Its okay, I understand. It's been kind of fun." He gave one of his handsome smiles.

"I'm going to go out and let Stevie come in. She's worried about you." He knew his daughter was waiting patiently to see her mother.

"Is she okay?" Stevie ran up to her dad when she saw him walk out of her mothers hospital room.

"She going to be just fine," Wrapping his arm's around his oldest child, he knew she was scared. "Go on in and see her, she could use a hug from you."

Looking up Henry saw Russell Jackson coming thru the door, "Who let him in he thought to himself?" Rolling his eyes he shook Russell's hand. "Elizabeth is fine, she is resting." he told Jackson protecting his wife at all cost.

"I just wanted to give her these flowers and let her know that President Dalton sends his regards." Russell tried to push his way past Henry.

"I said she is fine and sleeping," Henry's tone was cold and harsh. "I will tell her you came by Russell." Taking the flowers from Russell's hand and turning to walk away.

"Okay thanks," Russell turning walking out the door.

Walking back toward her room carrying the flowers, he stopped at the nurses station to see if her discharge papers where ready. The nurse assured him they needed about 10 more minutes and they would be in to discharge her. He just wanted to take her home and tuck her their bed and wait on her hand and foot, but he knew that wouldn't be possible. If he was a betting man he would put on odds that she was going back to the office after her discharge.

"Are those for me? wow what is it not even my birthday?" She tried to joke with him and Stevie.

"Actually, yes there from your favorite person Russell Jackson." They heard the distain in his voice when he said it. "I think he just wanted to make sure you had gone around the bend and needed a trip to the loony bend."

Her husbands distain for Russell Jackson was evident by the way he spoke about the man. It made her heart smile that he was so protective of her.

The nurse walked in just in the nick of time to break the tension in the air, once she signed the papers. She had Stevie help her get redressed.

As bad as Henry just wanted to take her home tuck her in bed and take care of her. He knew her too well and if she wanted to go back to work she would.

"Liz I really wish you wouldn't go back to work," Henry tried to persuade his wife.

"Babe, "I heard what the doctor said but I have to go back into the office." She held her breath waiting for a fight after she got the words out. "I have to fix my mess with Minster Chen before I get my ass handed to me by President Dalton.

"Okay, but you call me if you need anything. I still don't like this but you have made up your mind." He didn't feel like arguing with her.

Stevie remained quiet watching her parents argue with each other, she knew better than to give her opinion. She just hoped her mom was doing the right thing.

A wheel chair was brought in to wheel her out to waiting SUV, she was also give a prescription for Zoloft. She stuck the prescription in her pocket with no intentions of getting it filled. She knew if anyone ever found out she was taking anxiety medication they would never trust her. Her job would be over she would be the laughing stock of the beltway. She shuddered at the fact that she was about to tell her husband she was headed back to the office.

Henry opened the door of the SUV for her and waited for to finish saying good bye to their daughter. He kissed her good-bye, and she actually kissed him back.

Once she had said her good byes and the car took off thru the city she closed her eyes taking in the quiet before they arrived back at the office. Truth be told she was nervous about going into the office after the way she had left. Nervous about what everyone thought about her she was never one for office politics' but after everything that had happened she was nervous. She had sent Blake and Mike B a text that she would be returning to the office and wasn't surprised when neither one of them tired to talk her out of it.


	3. Chapter 3

Once the car took off through the city she closed her eyes taking in the quiet before she arrived back at the office. Truth be told she was nervous about going into the office. Sending both Mike B and Blake texts - letting them know she would be coming back into the office. Neither on of them questioned her decision or tried to talk her out of it.

She took a deep breath as they pulled up in front of the building, having cleared security, she tried to slow her breathing as she entered the elevator.

Blake and Mike B were standing right outside the elevator when its doors opened.

"Welcome back ma'am," Blake greeted her just like he did everyday and for this she was grateful.

"M Sec, nice to have you back." Mike B kept his voice normal.

Walking thru the inner office she was greeted with well wishes by well meaning staffers. She didn't want a big deal made out of what had happened, she just wanted to get back to work.

"Welcome back ma'am," One staff greeted her.

"Thanks Laura," she smiled back at the young lady.

Walking toward the conference she tried to concentrate on what Mike B was saying about their meeting with Owen.

Standing in the middle of the outer office with Blake and Mike her mind went back - back to that horrible day in Iran playing like a loop on replay. She wished she could control the flashback's and figure out their triggers.

"Excuse me I will be right back," She quickly made her escape into her office. Tightly closing the door behind her.

Mike and Blake just watched her walk away shutting the door behind her. Blake knew something was wrong, standing their dumfounded neither one said a word. Blake was the first one to speak.

"Mike could you go see if Nadine is free to take the meeting with Owen." Blake strongly suggested.

Mike walked off quietly in search of Nadine, but he knew that something was not right with the Secretary but for once he kept his mouth shut.

Holding the phone in one hand she used the other to guide herself down the wall into a sitting position with her knees pulled tightly up to her chest. She was barely holding her self together, tears streaming freely down her face. It seemed like forever before the person she was waiting on picked up the phone.

Henry was just getting his coat off after returning home from the hospital, he had really hoped she would come home with him but he knew her too well and knew she would go back to work to show everyone she was fine. Henry jumped at the sound of his ringing phone, the number from the caller id flashed Elizabeth's private office number. His heart raced just a little faster, given the last phone call he had gotten from someone in her office he sent up a prayer she was okay. He whole heartily hoped that she had changed her mind and was coming home. He wasn't prepared for what he heard on the other side of the line, his wife so small and broken.

"Henry," It came out so quietly he barely heard her.

"Babe are you okay? Talk to me Liz," He encouraged.

"You were right, I can't do this. I can't make the tears stop." She choked out between sobs.

"Oh babe! I'm on my way. Just hang on. I will be there in a few minutes." He grabbed his keys, making his way toward the car. He knew he should have fought harder to take her home but she was set in her ways and sometimes there was no talking her down.

Grabbing his keys he ran out the door. He had to get to her. He had to protect to her at no cost, to hell with the job. He didn't care what others said - _she_ was his first priority.

"I'm coming sweetheart just hold on, I will be there soon."

It was all he could do not to speed thru the streets of DC to get to her, but he knew if he got stopped it would delay him from getting there so he kept his speed as close to the limit as he could.

Blake didn't even knock, opening the door quietly. Stepping just inches inside the room he didn't see his boss anywhere at first. Scanning the room, he finally saw her small form sitting on the floor next to her desk - with her knee's pulled tightly against her chest holding tightly onto the phone. Not sure of how to help her or what to do, he knew he needed to call the one person who would. Backing out of the room just as quietly as he entered, he pulled out his phone and dialed Henry McCord's number.

"Sir we have a situation," Blake did even let him say hello. "How quickly can you get here?"

"I'm on my way, she was talking to me from the office phone." Henry tried to keep his voice calm. "I will be there shortly. Could you stay with her until I do."

"Yes sir, see you soon." Blake hung up his phone.

Silently he entered her office again, closing the door quietly behind him standing mere feet inside the room. By staying close to that door he could ensure her privacy and protect her from anyone wanting to intruding. He had never seen her like this, it scared him.

 _What had she seen in Iran_ Blake thought to himself.

He stood there for what seemed like forever not saying a word until he heard foot steps coming toward the door. Opening the door slightly he hoped it wasn't another staffer wanting a moment of her time or even that mean Russell Jackson. He came face to face with a concerned Henry McCord.

 _Oh thank god_ he thought to himself.

He opened the door a little more letting Henry into the room, nodding at him then slipping out.

Elizabeth McCord sat on the floor of her office scared and alone. What she really wanted to do was find a hole and hide. She had never felt so alone even though she wasn't really alone. One minute she was angry, one minute she was numb and the next guilty about why she lived and Fred Cole and others on her detail didn't. Why did Zahed Javani have to die? Her tears flowed down her face she wished she could make them stop. She was scared of what she was doing to her husband and kids. Her behavior had been so erratic lately. Some days just wanted nothing to do with them and others she missed them like crazy. The one thing she did know was that she needed Henry.

Walking quickly thru the door of the State Department Henry hoped the line for security wasn't going to be an issue. Luckily, Blake had called downstairs and he was cleared to go directly up to his wife's office. He pushed the elevator button over and over try to get the doors to close. Once the elevator started moving he willed it to move faster, arriving on the seventh floor he casually made his way toward his wife's office. He wanted to seem like every other time he had made a visit to see her.

He didn't see Blake at his desk. He didn't figured he would if he knew his boss was in trouble. Walking up to her office door it opened and he came face to face with Blake, holding the door open Henry entered the quiet office. Blake backed out the door closing it behind him.

Like Blake - Henry scanned the room twice before he saw her - sitting on the floor next to her desk with her knee's up to her chest holding the phone in her hand. Slowly he sat down next to her, taking the phone from her hand and hung it up. She laid her head on his shoulder, and taking his hand in hers holding on to it tightly.

"Henry," Her voice was hoarse from crying.

"Babe, let's get you home." He kept his voice gentle, trying to hide the sadness he felt.

"Ok," She said quietly.

After helping her off the floor, he sat her down on her couch. Turning he opened the door slightly finding Blake standing on the other side standing guard. Stepping right outside the door he needed to speak with Blake, leaving the door ajar so he could keep an eye on her.

"She is going home for the day and if I get my way a couple of days." Henry curtly told Blake. "Were going to have to figure out a way how to get her downstairs without a lot of fanfare.

"I have already spoken to her detail and alerted them that she would be leaving for the day. I have also formulated a plan, but I will need to discuss with Nadine because we will need her help. I will need a few minutes to get it all together, can you give me a little bit." Blake told a grateful Henry.

Blake walked away to find Nadine, Henry went back in and found his wife staring out her office window deep in thought. Walking up to her he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, turning into him she fell into his arms. It felt good to hold her. They needed each other.

Blake went in search of Nadine he knew she had been in a meeting with Mike B but didn't know if she still was. He would pull her out if he needed to, Blake opened the door to the conference room and quietly asked Nadine to join him in the hall.

"Blake, this better be good," Nadine scolded the young man.

"We have a situation, the Secretary isn't feeling well."

Emphasizing the word _feeling_ hoping she would catch on. Blake replied.

"Oh," Nadine's simply replied.

"Dr. McCord is here to get her. We need to get her downstairs without a scene." He quickly told Nadine.

Blake explained to Nadine about his plan for her to hold a impromptu mandatory staff meeting in conference room C. This room is out of view of both the Secretary's office and the stairwell and everybody would be in there. If that wouldn't work then he was willing to pull the fire alarm - that would clear the room and nobody would think of her going downstairs. Nadine nixed that idea quickly saying something about it being against the law. They would go with the meeting idea.

Nadine headed back to her office to grab her phone and sent out the mass text.

Blake headed back to his boss office wanting to let Henry know the plan was in motion. Stopping at the door of the office he took a deep breath giving a little knock he stuck his head in and got Henry's attention.

Looking over his shoulder Henry saw Blake standing just inside the door, unwrapping his arms from around his wife he walked to the door.

"Sorry," He whispered not wanting to interrupt the couple. We need a few more minutes, I let you know when its clear." Blake told to him.

"Thank you Blake," Henry was grateful to his wife's assistant. "For taking sure great care of her, I really appreciate it."

Blake Moran smiled at the man and backed out the door.

Walking back out to his desk the office was abuzz about what this impromptu meeting was all about. Daisy and Matt were throwing out all kinds of speculation as they made their way to the conference room.

"Now what have we done," Matt asked as he walked past Blake's desk.

"Who knows Nadine probably lost her pen again." Daisy answered back.

"We had better get in there hate to leave the queen waiting." Matt made his way to the conference room.

Blake sat down at his desk faking work while he waited. Once the last staffer sat down in the conference room Nadine closed the doors. Blake knocked gentle on his boss's office door indicating that they were ready to move.

Henry stood close to his wife as they waited for the signal to get his wife out of the office.

Hearing the knock on the door he picked up Elizabeth's purse, and grabbing her coat her placed his arm around her shoulders.

Henry gentle guided his emotionally drained wife toward the door of her office and down the hall toward the elevator. Frank stood holding the door open for them, Blake was stationed on the other side of the Secretary walking quietly with them.

Reaching the parking garage Blake helped Henry get her into the front seat of the car. Walking around to the other side Henry stopped and shook Blake's hand.

"Thank you for everything Blake." Henry told him.

Blake nodded his head and stepped back on the curb.

"We will meet you at home Frank," Henry told the new agent.

"There will be a car in front of you and one behind you. Remember, please stay close to both." Scott told him.

She was quiet on the ride home, looking out the window watching the scenery with tears streaming down her cheeks. Henry didn't try to speak he just let her be alone with her thoughts, reaching over he took her hand in his and held tightly onto it.

Arriving at their house, she didn't wait for anyone to open the door for her, she dashed out of the car and directly into the house - directly up to the safety of her bedroom

Henry laid her purse and coat on the chair near the front door, and headed upstairs to check on his wife.

Stopping at the door of the bedroom he took out his phone and sent a text to Stevie. -could you pick up Ali and Jason this afternoon? Take them to dinner and movie, mom's home rough day. Love dad.-

His hope was that she would get some rest without any disruptions, but knew his wife all too well, and that would not be an easy task.

Entering the bedroom he didn't expect to find her asleep on top of their bed rolled on her side in a fetal position - clothes and shoes still on. He gently took her shoes off and grabbed a blanket off the chaise and placed it over her hoping and praying she would sleep with no nightmares. After making sure she was settled he grabbed his book and made himself comfortable on the chaise across the room. Wanting to make sure he was close if her nightmares returned.

Stevie was getting into her car when her phone buzzed indicating she had a new text. Grabbing her phone she read the message from her dad. She had been at the hospital when her dad tried hard to convince her mom not to return to work. She stayed quiet during the exchange between her parents but silently hoped her mom would just go home and relax.

Glancing at her watch she had only 15 minutes the end of her siblings' school day. Grabbing her phone she sent them a text. Hey nerds I am picking you up from school wait for me, then how about dinner and a movie? Be there soon.

If asked, she had planned on just telling me that her parents were wanting some adult time. She hated lying but didn't want to worry them.

Henry glanced over at his sleeping wife, he couldn't help noticed that they worry was gone from her face and she was actually sleeping soundly. Glancing down at his watch he noticed she had been asleep a little over an hour - he sent up a prayer she would sleep a little while longer and went back to reading his book.

He was deep into the chapter of his book when he heard he heard it - the rustle of the sheets. Looking over at his sleeping wife he could see the panic on her face. Jumping up off the chaise where he had been perched, he leapt over the bed to her side. He crawled in bed next to her trying not to startle her, he positioned he body close to her but barely touching her. Rubbing her arm he spoke quietly in her ear.

"Babe, you're safe. Wake up, sweetheart. I'm right here." He hoped that the sound of his voice would bring her back to reality. "Come on babe. You're safe. Just wake up, for me." He prayed he could get her to wake before the screaming began.

"That's it. Wake up, sweetie you're safe." He moved his body so it was as close as he could get to her, he hoped that the comfort from his body would help. He took her hand rubbing circles on her knuckles.

Elizabeth woke with a start. This time the dream was different than before. It was still very vivid starting out just like all others but the outcome was worse than the actual event. She was standing in Zahed Javani's living room watching him interact with his son. They were working on a math problem he had gotten stuck on, next thing she knew all hell was breaking lose the glass behind her breaking. Shots were being fired. She watched Fred as he jumped in front of her and seeing Javani's get murdered in cold blood. The difference in this nightmare is Zahed Javani's son Abdol who was hiding behind the chair got up to check on his father despite her yelling for him to stay down and he was also shot and killed. Right in front of her eyes, this poor child was murdered and there was nothing she could do!

She was grateful that she awoke before the screaming started. She had awoken that way once already, which lead to the Secret Service coming into the room. She was embarrassed by it and would do anything for it not to happen again. She could hear Henry's calming voice as she came out of her nightmare, telling her she was safe. She so loved this sweet, patient man. He was her world. He could always say the right thing, help her to see more clearly when things life got cloudy, and show her the error of her ways when she was being defiant. What she hated was how she had been treating him lately but didn't know what to do with her emotions, she couldn't control them. Rolling over toward him she snuggled deep into his side.

"Just hold me," She pleaded.

Hold her was exactly what he did. No words were exchanged and they didn't need to be. He knew what she needed and did as she asked.

Henry hoped beyond hope this would be a turning point for them, while he knew she would struggle from time to time. He hoped that she would open up to him, and let him help her. It broke his heart to see such a strong woman so broken. Her moods were everywhere. But she was his wife, his best friend and his lover; he would stand beside her.

Not wanting to lose his connection with her, he readjusted so he could look at her beautiful face. Her stomach growled making them both chuckle.

"Guess we had better get some food in you," But he wasn't ready to let go of her yet.

Henry ordered Chinese, too reluctant to let go of her long enough to cook any actual food.

She grabbed some forks out of the drawer and two bottles of water and waited for the food to arrive.

Once the food had arrived they made themselves comfortable on the couch, the feast laid out in front of them She managed to eat more than half of it before deciding she was done. Henry watched her eat, he hated monitoring her food intake noticed that she had actually eaten most of her food. He got up and put the leftover's in the frig, just as he was returning to the couch there was a knock at the door he walked into the foyer.

"I just want to talk to her," Russell stood in the open doorway.

"She's in the kitchen," Henry opened the door wider letting him enter into their private domain.

Elizabeth was shocked when she saw Russell Jackson walking into her kitchen, She worried he had come to tell her to pack up her office and get out she was being fired. She had not asked for this job it was thrown in her lap. He wasn't there to chastise her, he was there as a friend.

"Good job on the Ecuador issue." Russell was the first one to speak.

"Thanks," her voice quiet.

"Also wanted to let you know that Nadine smoothed over Prime Minister Chen, all is good with China." He hoped that would help her relax a little.

The room got silent again, it was Russell once again who broke that silence, "When I was about 12 my father took my brother and I fishing at a lake near our house. We had stopped at a gas station for gas and more snack's, when a man came into the store wielding a gun. He demanded my father give him all his money, and his wedding ring, I stood there frozen behind a display. Before my dad could get his wallet out he killed him. I have learned how to avoid my triggers, and found someone who can keep their mouth shut." He sounded broken telling her that story.

She took the card he pulled out of his wallet. Before she could say anything he was already out the door. Had she just seen a sweet side of the rough edged Russell Jackson?

It wasn't long after Russell Jackson left the house that this kids arrived home, chatting about the movie they had just seen.

"Hello children," she tried to sound happy but she really wasn't. "How was the movie?"

"It was great," Jason answered her first.

"What about you two?" She asked her daughters who were in search of a snack.

"It was good," Stevie answered her back.

"I would have rather seen a romantic comedy," Ali finally answered peeling herself an orange.

After finishing their snacks and telling their parents about the movie and the day they said good night and headed upstairs.

"Hey you," Henry stepped into the kitchen after saying good night to his children. "You ready for bed?"

"No, I want to stay up a while but you can go up," Secretly hoping he would stay with her.

They returned to that familiar nightly ritual of sitting side by side on the couch, playing a video game she had never shown interest in before Iran. After three nights of playing it seemed like she was getting better at it.

Henry hoped that since it was just the two of them and they were safe at home she would finally open up. It seemed though that the wall she had put up was slowly coming down. Sitting there for what seemed like hours she finally spoke.

"Fred Cole died because I went to Iran," it came out quietly. "He died because of me, if I hadn't gone to Iran he would still be alive." She didn't even realize she had said it until it was out of her mouth.

Henry knew she wore the weight of the world on her shoulders, the guilt from losing Fred and the other members of her detail but particular Fred and her still being alive. Survivor's guilt they called it, he wished he could take it from her, and ease her pain. He remained quiet and listened to her tell him about that horrible night. He couldn't imagine the heartbreak she was trying to handle alone.

"Abdol had come into the room, needing help with his math," she took in a deep breath. "Next thing I know I'm on the ground, and Fred is on top of me." I could hear glass breaking and gunfire, I could see Zahed Javani's laying on the floor next to us. Abdol was behind the chair not far from him, screaming for his father. I barely remember yelling at Abdol to stay down, I wanted so bad to get to him to protect him. But I couldn't, Fred was to heavy on my body." She couldn't stop the tears from flowing, she had not told anyone about Abdol being in the room and seeing his father murdered."

Henry rubbed her back gently, he knew she needed to get this out. Fighting back the tears that were pulling in his eyes he remained quiet.

"Henry what have I done to our sweet children?" She asked him, "I wanted to bad to protect Abdol but I couldn't. How will I be able to protect our own children if I couldn't protect him?"

After finishing her story she turn to look at him, she needed him to love her. She fell into his body her's wracked with sobs.

Henry tightly "I'm right her, babe just let it out."

After holding her for what seemed like forever, she finally stopped crying, her sad eyes meeting his as she pulled away from him just a little still safe in his arms.

"Thank you," she whispered. He said nothing, just smiled at her. She quietly got up after a few more minutes in his warm embrace, and without saying a word disappeared up the stairs.

He knew she needed time to process her thoughts, so he didn't follow her upstairs. But when she didn't come back down after 30 minutes, he turned off the TV and went up stairs he hoped that he would find her fast asleep in their bed or even taking a nice warm bath. Walking into the room he did not see her, the bathroom door was open and the light was off. He tried to keep himself from worrying but given what had gone on in the last 24 hours he couldn't help himself. He knew she didn't come back downstairs he would have seen her given both staircases are visible from the kitchen. He had made sure the doors were locked and coffee maker set from the morning so he would have seen her. His worry was building, heading downstairs to check with her detail, he didn't want to alarm them but he couldn't find his wife.

It was as he was hurrying down the stairs, that he saw it. Jason's bedroom door was open, _That's odd,_ He thought. _Jason always closes his door when he goes to bed_. Looking in the from the open door he saw it. His beautiful wife snuggled in next to their son sleeping peacefully, he sighed a breath of relief. Walking back into their room, he grabbed the extra blanket off their bed. He quietly covered her sleeping body sending up a prayer she would sleep the rest of the night. Standing there a few more minutes, he watched them sleep. Giving her a kiss on her head, he headed back into his own room leaving both doors open. Just in case she woke needing him, he wouldn't be far.

Wandering from room to room Elizabeth found herself at the door of her youngest child. Opening the door she saw his sleeping form. He was always a sound sleeper, peacefully dreaming about the world around him. Walking into the room she gently laid down beside him, playing with his hair, as she watched him sleep. She knew tomorrow was going to be a big day and she said a prayer. She prayed that her nightmares would stay at bay and finally letting sleep take her, she felt content and safe.

Sometime in the middle of the night unsure why she woke up disoriented - confused why she was in Jason's bed and not her own. Looking down at her sleeping child she remembered the events of the day, her fake heart attack, her trip to the ER, a meltdown at work. Russell's visit and finally opening up to Henry about Iran. She gave Jason one final kiss before quietly getting out of his bed, she heading to her own closing his door behind her. Getting into bed snuggling up close to Henry trying not to wake her sleeping husband. He looked so peaceful, not a care in the world, at least one of them was at peace. Sending a prayer asking for strength to get through tomorrow's interview with Bob Schaffer. After only a few minutes sleep finally took over her body and she drifted off, at least if a nightmare reared it ugly head she would be safe in Henry's arms.


	4. Chapter 4

Henry looked down surprised, his beautiful wife was sleeping peacefully in his arms. He didn't remember hearing her come into their room, he needed to get up but didn't want to disturb her. He couldn't remember that last time since her return she had slept more than two hours at a time. Laying there his mind went back to their conversation the night before. He sent up a silent pray that maybe she was finally beginning to heal. He gave her a few moments of peaceful bliss before planting a soft kiss on her temple.

"Good morning beautiful," He whispered in her ear.

Elizabeth rolled over deeper into the side of her husband, she could hear his voice in her ear. She didn't want to get up, and face the nation or anyone else for that matter. She was content staying right where she was, finally gave in she opened her eyes.

"Morning handsome," She smiled up at her husband.

"Time to rise and shine," He kissed her nose.

Getting up Elizabeth headed to the bathroom and Henry went to make sure the kids were up - before heading to the kitchen. Starting the coffee pot he grabbed two cups out of the cabinet and got busy making breakfast. He knew just what his wife needed this morning.

Coming out of the bathroom Elizabeth couldn't help but smile, her sweet husband had done it again. Sitting on the bed was a tray containing a pieces of toast, some eggs and a cup of coffee - a single red rose laying off to the side. She so loved this man and didn't know what she would do with out him. It also contained a sweet note.

Good Morning beautiful thought you could use a good cup of coffee and something for stomach. Take your time getting ready. I will make sure the kids are taken care of.

Love you,

Henry

Turning the television on in their room she hoped that they had found something else to talk about. But no once again it was about her, the trip to Iran, and to the ER yesterday. She was getting really tired of being the center of the news cycle.

Eating most of her eggs and toast she finished getting dressed. Grabbing the tray and her coffee cup she headed downstairs. Wanting to see the kids before they left she hurried down the stairs.

"Good morning family!" She called out as she got to the bottom of the stairs. Standing there she watched her three beautiful children move around the kitchen. Walking over she put the tray on the island in the middle of the kitchen. It could have been so much different had Fred Cole not jumped on top of her and saved her life. Her kids wouldn't be going about their daily lives instead they would be picking out her casket and planning her funeral. Although she still felt guilty for Fred and the other secret service detail member's who died she was grateful she was alive.

"Good morning, Mom!" They all called out back to her.

"You look beautiful mom," Allison walked up to her putting her arms around her mother's waist.

"Thanks Noodle," Elizabeth smiled at her middle child.

"Stevie let's go. I'm going to be late for school," Alison called to her older sister letting go of her mother's waist.

"Jason you ready to go?" Stevie called to her brother.

After saying good bye to the kids, Henry walked over putting his arms around her he pulled her close.

"Are you ready for today?" He asked her.

Although she shook her head yes, he could tell by her body language she wasn't so sure.

"Hey, I cleared my afternoon, so I can be there this afternoon." He told her.

"Henry, I will be okay It really helped talking to you last night. I'm fine promise." She wasn't sure who she was trying to convince.

"Humor me. It's at one, right?" He place a kiss on her forehead before letting go of her. He had already sent a text to Nadine to confirm the time.

Although she said she was better he knew, this was not going away over night. He didn't want her to feel like he didn't trust her to know her own feelings but just wanted to protect her from herself and anything that might be a trigger for her again."

Grabbing her travel mug full of coffee she gave Henry on last kiss before heading out the door. After getting into the waiting car she let out a breath she had been holding.

The first half of her morning had gone rather quickly, she spent most of it in her office. Blake had done a good job keeping the staff out of her hair, especially Daisy.

Russell Jackson had already called her three times to make she was ready for Face the Nation. She was trying to get the Prime Minster of Canada to release the hold on the pipeline. Daisy and Matt where still waiting to meet with her one last time before her interview. She really just wanted to stay sequestered in her office and ignore the world outside.

Looking up from the pipeline report she was trying to read she looked right into the eyes of her husband who had already grabbed her coat and was waiting to help her put it on.

"Time for an early lunch beautiful?" He couldn't help himself.

"But I need to finish this report, and still need to meet with Daisy and Matt for one last time before Bob gets here."

"Lets go." He grabbed her hand pulling her from the couch.

"Okay, taking his hand. She actually could use some fresh air.

They walked for a while before stopping at their favorite bench, Henry got inside the basket he had packed and handed her a sandwich. Roast beef and a bottle of water for her, and ham and cheese with a sweet tea for him.

"So are you ready for this?" He asked already knowing what her answer would be."

"As ready as I will ever be. I'm just ready to get it over and get out of this never ending news cycle. Ready for them to move on to someone or something else." Her stomach was in knots. She picked at her sandwich taking a bite here and there just to keep him off her back. I'm glad your going to be there."

"There is no where else I would be. It's going to be tough talking about this again but to do it on national TV is going to be even harder. But you can do this just tell him what happened and then it will be over." He encouraged her.

Henry knew his wife and could see by her body language this was beginning to weigh on her. He really wanted to pull Bob aside and ask him to go easy on her only ask the need to know questions. But he also knew that Elizabeth would be pissed at him for handling her. He just wanted to protect her but he knew this was something she had to do alone.

They walked hand and hand back toward the waiting car, her detail giving them space but always close by if she or they needed them.

They held hands walking back to the building but let go once they got to security. Ready or not she had a job to do and she knew it.

Henry and Elizabeth were in her office talking when Blake came in and told them that Bob Schieffer and his staff had arrived. Taking a moment to collect herself she and Henry walked out to meet Bob, and his producers.

"Good Afternoon Mr. Schieffer," She shook hands with the ?

"Madam Secretary, it is an honor to meet you," Bob patted her hand. "We will set up in your office if that is okay with you?" He asked her.

"Right this way," she showed him into her office. "This is my husband Henry," She introduced the two men.

While the CBS people set up for the interview make up and hair got busy on her.

She had gone back and fourth most of the morning on rather or not if her staff would be allowed in the room during the interview. Getting Henry's opinion on the matter helped her make her decision. He encouraged her to allow Blake, Nadine, Jay, Daisy and Matt into the room, feeling it would be best for them to hear what happened directly from her. Even though it was going to be hard it needed to be done.

Henry stood close to his wife as she prepared for her interview about one of the hardest days of her life. Putting his hand on the small of her back they walked her over to the set of chairs that had been set up. He gave her arm a squeeze before walking out of the view of the camera but where she could still see him.

"Madam Secretary, are you ready?" Bob walked over to her and sat down in his chair directly beside her.

Shaking her head she bit her lower lip, looking over at Henry. Giving her a smile she took a deep breath and let the questions begin.

The first few question's had been about the President, Robert Munsey and working up to the coup. But then the question she had been dreading came up. Taking a deep breath she waited for it to be asked.

"Madam Secretary you made a unprecedented trip to Iran to stop a coup, can you tell me what happened that day." Bob Schaffer was trying to tread lightly as he began asking her questions.

Taking a few deep breaths she told the tale of that horrible night in Iran. How one moment she was standing in Minster Javani's living room talking about a coup that was about to happen. Next she was thrown to the ground by the force of a blast and her body man Fred Cole. She told him about Abdol Javani being behind a chair in the same room that his father was being murdered, screaming for his father.

Looking over at Henry, he gave her an encouraging look and swallowing back her tears she finished the story.

She explained that as a mother she would have given anything to protect that boy, but she could not get to him - that Fred Cole's body was still over hers protecting her. He didn't deserve to see the bad in the world he deserve to keep his innocence.

She wasn't sure if she could get through the story. She was so afraid of falling apart right there on national TV but she knew she had to dig deep and get through it. She couldn't let the President down he needed her to show the nation and world a strong presence. She could see her husband and staff off to the left of her view, she was grateful they were she could see them. Or at least one of them in particular. She could also see they were holding their breath hoping and praying she could get thru this without any dead space or meltdowns.

Bob listened to her tell her story with a look of understanding. He knew all to well how volatile that part of the world could be. Being a correspondent for CBS he had seen his fair share of the middle east and the damage it could do both physically and emotionally. When she finished he didn't pry more he just gave her a simple.

"Thank you Madam Secretary", Bob gave her a sincere smile.

"Thank you Bob," She shook his hands hoping he didn't notice that her hands were shaking fiercely.

She wanted to make sure the red light on the camera had gone off before she would even attempt to stand, her legs felt like jelly. Elizabeth remained seated waiting and hoping her office would clear out so she could have a few minutes to steady herself before she met with her staff. Henry who had kept his eyes on her the whole time could see that she was feeling overwhelmed and needing a few moments to her self.

Blake scanning the room also noticed the look on his boss's face, looking over at Nadine, he got her attention giving her the signal they had worked out. Nadine quickly cleared the room asking the CBS people if they would give them a few minutes before gathering their belongs. She then asked the staff to assemble in the conference room so they could go over the numbers. Henry remained in the room waiting for the others to leave, keeping a close watch on his wife.

Walking over to her, helped her out of the chair and over to the couch.

"You did good, babe," he gave her a kiss.

"Really? I felt like I was falling apart inside," she give him a small smile."

Pulling her into a hug he encouraged her to let go praying that her staff would give them some privacy for just a few minutes.

What he didn't know was that Blake was standing guard outside the door and nobody was going to get past him - not even Russell Jackson who was standing at the door giving him dirty looks.

"Is she busy?" He tried to push his way into her office not waiting for an answer.

Blake didn't want to lie but he knew she needed a few minutes and he would make sure she got it.

"I'm sorry. She is in a meeting and can't be disturbed. I will have her call you as soon she is free" He tried to walk Russell out to the outer office."

"Really too busy for me?"

"Right now she is busy but I will make sure she calls you as soon as she if free." Blake said with a little more force than he planned." 

"Ok fine have her call me," Russell Jackson turned to leave the office.

"I will pass it on to her when she is free. Good-bye Mr. Jackson."

Once the crying subsided, Henry pulled back from her a little bit not losing his connection to her , holding her face in his hands. He knew that this could be the beginning of healing for her. He handed her a tissue and a glass of water giving her the time she needed to pull herself together.

"Thank you."

"Let's go home," He stood up taking her hand helping her off the couch.

"I can't! We have so much to do," she tried to protest.

"Don't worry about anything I have already cleared it with Nadine that when you were done with the interview there was to be nothing else pressing today." He rubbed her arms.

As much as she wanted to protest she knew he was right. She needed to go home and spend some quality time with her family.

She gathered her purse and brief case she they headed for the door hand in hand.

Blake and Nadine stood in the outer office talking when the door to her office opened.

"I'm going home for the day," she told them.

"Good Night Madam Secretary" Nadine and Blake called out as she and Henry walked out hand in hand.


End file.
